Scribbly brain.

Today i have been amazed by the amount of people who read these blogs. Its so strange that whilst writing this, it feels like writing a personal diary, yet in the back of my mind I know the world and his wife could read it, but i still write...weird.

So far I have had a lovely weekend, Maddy's birthday was a treat, it finished spectacularly beacuse I had to go home as I felt sick and dizzy. That is how much I had laughed. Or maybe it was the cake, who knows, but i like to think it was the former rather than latter. At about 10.30pm we ambled down to the beach, laden with a flask of tea, blankets and maddy's mum's jumpers, and lay watching the stars. Actually that sounds nothing like how it actually was because in truth it was not calm and ladylike but raucous to the point that i was coughing like a smoker and had tears lining my face.

Without sounding like a broken record, I am at a loss. I have tried and tried to reply to my uni offers but I just cant do it. I just end up staring at the computer screen and getting myself all worked up. I keep regretting my decisions too whicvh is not helping as I cant go back now; why didnt I apply for that knitwear course?? On thursday night maddy kirsty gem and I had a picnic in my car on a hill so we could have some space to pray for each other. It made me realise how simple it is to pray for one another, all you have to do is open your mouth and talk to God, yet we hardly ever do it. Anywho, I am sidetracking. I asked to be prayed for about uni etc as usual.
I guess some people will be thinking what is she on about? all you have to do is pick one! but truly it is not that simple. my dilemma is formed from the following:
Back in college I was convinced I wanted to do psychology, i loved the subject but the more I got into the application the more confused I became and it just didnt work out. This resulted in me opting for an art foundation, simply because I loved my photography course and I thought it would buy me some time. In hindsight I realised that I prayed and prayed about what to do and where to apply but I didnt bother listening to the answers because i am so stubborn I only wanted to hear what I wanted to hear. I think in last resort the Lord just had to confuse me so I couldnt apply or something haha because I have loved this year so much and cant imagine having not done it.
SO...the fact that all this stuff this time round is not working out and i cant make a firm decision is confusing me in two ways:

1) I am worried that I am confused in the same way as last time, in the sense that I have made a completely wrong choice in the things I have applied to and God is trying to tell me that I am way off and shouldnt do any of them.

2) Or is it just down to the fact that I have no confidence in my own decisions however small and am completely incapable of making one. Therefore the above is null and void and just down to my own foolish thoughts?

Maybe this has shed light to you about why my brain is fit to burst when I mention uni. I feel like someone has reached into my head and changed a few things round without asking me, and on the way has scribbled on the walls a bit and mushed it around.haha.

I am also losing my memory. It has always been bad but at the moment it resembles a half eaten salmon that has accidently been fed to a cat. Apologies to those affected.

I have had some thoughts about my FMP, I think I want to do something about people getting back into the nuances of past times, such as knitting, crochet, baking and other such things, and it becoming increasingly popular. Any suggestions around this theme would be greatly appreciated.

I want a piano lesson. I hate money. [Sorry Pam. But on the plus side I have got pretty good at Burlington street even if i do say so myself, so i reckon for my next lesson you need to dust off that floor length gown, buy a cigarette and holder, purchase a feather bower and practice getting on top of the piano in a graceful and elegant manner.]

This is it now.

Watch out, Beadles about.

Nicola
xx