'Shell shocked'

Well I'm not going to 'beat around the bush' as they say.

I just trod on a snail.

Barefoot.

My feet were literally naked when I stood on the slimeball.

It is 10.45pm, I have just had a lovely evening out with Krust and Gemmaroo and I innocently went onto our garden decking to see what stepdad Nick was doing in the garden at such an hour [watching 'his' newts in the pond...don't ask]. I screeched and hopped into my house, crawled up the stairs into the bathroom and proceeded in washing my foot. It seems that soap doesnt work, so i had to physically scrape the slime off with my nail. When I get to heaven I shall ask the Lord this: Lord, why oh WHY did you make snail slime waterproof? Why did you make snail slime? Why did you make snails?

I feel this was from the Lord. Gemma challenged me this evening and said that the Lord could really be teaching me about decision making through my current dilemma. However I feel I was right in a previous train of thought; I'm not going to go to uni. God has challenged me and set me on a new mission in life. Herein I shall devote my life to the meticulous research of chemical properties and their potential uses to rid the world of these pesky molluscs.

Perhaps I should be less selfish, for my Barbaric manslaughter [I dont accept full responsibility] was not without its losses. I imagine there are friends, family and relatives of the snail that are mortified at this tragedy. I can hear it now, poor mother snail [weeping]
' as if things could get any worse, it was just last week we lost Aunt Mildred to a bucket of salt...'